Why it’s totally fine to not have your sh*t together in your 20s

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I’m not sure about anybody else, but lately I’ve been feeling like I’m in complete limbo when it comes to what the actual hell I am doing with my life.

I have friends building houses, buying houses, friends getting engaged, having babies and friends getting full time proper adult jobs. Then there’s me: six weeks out of finishing a four year uni degree, living in a shitty unit and working three jobs yet living off 99 cent cuppa soups from Aldi (shoutout to Aldi for keeping me sustained nutritionally).

Back when I was a wee teen I had set myself a life plan. Married, house and a baby on the way by 25, because 25 seemed a mature age back then, plus my mum was married at 21 and then had me at 23, so I just assumed it was the norm.

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I’m now 23 and cannot see myself married, having children and owning my own home in the next two years, it is simply not at all plausible, nor is it something that I want anytime soon, anymore. So why am I envious and comparing myself to friends and family?

Several mental breakdowns and some incredible pow-wows with my best gal pals later, I’m slowly starting to realise that it’s actually totally okay that my shit isn’t totally put together yet. It’s not as if I’ve not accomplished and done some pretty fab things in my 20s thus far.

Here’s a few things I’ve learnt and continue to tell myself when I feel like I’m not doing as well as others around me, so if you’re relating to what I’m saying even a little bit, these are for you.

You’re still finding out who you are
It’s the first of your adult years. Trying to figure out who you want to be and where you want to be is one of the hardest feats that life throws at you. How are you supposed to know what you want to do if you don’t fail and get a few things wrong first?

 

You’re making incredible memories 
I can almost bet my last cuppa soup that while you are torturing yourself over your friends’ latest Instagram post about their land finally being ready to build on, they’re just as jealous of your banging Saturday night Instagram selfies and lit af Snapchat story. The FOMO goes both ways.

You’re learning to stand on your own two feet 
While you may be living in a dingy one bedroom unit, eating your mi goreng cup noodles and barely making enough money to pay your rent, you’re actually learning valuable life lessons. Being able to pay rent steadily, knowing when to budget for bills, but also having money and time to do things for yourself is only something you can learn when you have to be responsible for yourself.

There’s more time for travel 
Why are we even stressing? We’re literally only in our 20s, there’s so much the world has to offer: people to meet, places to see and lifelong friendships to make. It’s not like back in our parents’ day when travelling was almost not an option. Flights are getting cheaper, students get discounts and you’re just about guaranteed to have some life changing epiphany on a beautiful beach in Spain or at a winery in the French Riviera.

It may still be taking me time to accept that it’s okay I’m not preparing to put down a house deposit, but at least I know not all hope is lost and I’ll get there eventually. It’ll be when I’m ready and not because I feel the pressures of society. 

So for now I’m happiest when I have a few extra dollars to splurge on smashed avo and a chai latte with my babes.

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